Friday Flop: The Toilet Paper Edition

Posted on June 5, 2009 by in Friday Flops

toilet-paperIn most cases, I refuse to pay for marketing and branding.

My children haven’t seen a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese since the last time they were at their grandmother’s house.  At lunch, my son requests “spaghetti rings and meatballs in tomato sauce” because he’s never seen a can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti O’s in our cupboards.

More often than not, I buy generic.

But when it comes to toilet paper, I am a brand snob.

Actually, it’s not the brand I’m concerned with as much as I am the quality.  We have pampered behinds in my household and I insist that those behinds be wiped with soft, quilted, multi-ply toilet paper.  I will give up a lot in the name of a bargain, but a comfortable butt is not one of them.

Last week, my husband – who actually taught me everything I know about good toilet paper – lost his damn mind.  And our butts are paying the price.

scott-toilet-paperThis, ladies and gentleman, is the worst toilet paper I have ever seen inside someone’s home.  It is on the same level as gas station toilet paper.

My husband bought 24 rolls of this crap.

Now, I have read reviews of Scott toilet paper on the Internet that suggest that this is the greatest toilet paper ever.  They claim it’s economical and good for your plumbing.  They rave about the fact that it is lint free.

All of these things might be true.

But it’s also true that if you insist on “only using a few squares”, you’re going to wind up with urine on your hands.  At the very least.

I can literally see through this toilet paper.  The fact that I have to use a piece as long as my body every time I use the bathroom completely nullifies any economical advantages of using this paper.  They’d have to be giving this stuff away to make it a good bargain, and even then I’d be pissed off about having to use it.

It is bad enough that I am actually writing about toilet paper on a shopping blog.


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Posted on June 5, 2009 by in Friday Flops


34 Responses to “Friday Flop: The Toilet Paper Edition”
  1. LOL. Here in Canada, the Scott brand is only good for paper towel.

    And slap your hubs upside the head for this mistake. Bad toilet paper is like using sand paper on the cooter.

    And a raw and chapped cooter is not conducive to sitting or sexy times.

    Remind me not to come and visit until your teepee runs out and you buy the good stuff.

  2. We have discriminating behinds here too and if hubby came home with sandpaper toilet paper he would be making another trip to the store very soon! I’d probably donate the crappaper to the office – in the Men’s room!

  3. Connie DeesNo Gravatar says:

    I love Charmin, but I live in an 80 year old house with 80 year old plumbing. My plumber said use Angel Soft, so that is the only thing that hits our pipes. Our plumbing calls have gone from every 3 months to every 24 months. Enough for me.

  4. VicNo Gravatar says:

    You know, I don’t ever think I’ve blogged about toilet paper. Not sure I will either.
    I reccomend you head off and buy a secret stash of the good stuff for you and the kids and leave the sandpaper for Jared to use – he won’t make that mistake twice after what seems like forever using the stuff up!

  5. LizHillNo Gravatar says:

    Charmin. Extra Soft. Over.

  6. SciFi DadNo Gravatar says:

    My wife recently switched us from the Kirkland stuff (surprisingly soft for warehouse bulk purchase) to the new Charmin extra strong… it’s actually not bad.

  7. Sybil LawNo Gravatar says:

    OMG! My husband did the same thing – ONCE. He’s never made that stupid mistake again!!

  8. StacyNo Gravatar says:

    I have used the Scott Extra Soft which is actually nice, but if my husband brought the regular Scott home, I would kill him!

    We usually use Angel Soft, because we have a septic system in the country….

  9. HillyNo Gravatar says:

    Charmin 2-ply Ultra for life! No other brand of toilet paper touches my tooshie!

  10. Britt's MomNo Gravatar says:

    This is freaking comedy! As the person who taught you your frugal eccentricities, I have to confess. I am a big fan of the ulta cushie Charmin extra soft – but I buy Angel Soft. At Dollar General. :)

  11. ErinNo Gravatar says:

    Members Mark Premium Toilet Tissue

    Go to Sam’s club or Walmart. It is cheap and it is soft, STRONG, sturdy, lint free,and just plain awesome.
    I was a Charmin ultra soft girl too. This is waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy better & much cheaper. Also no white fuzz if you brush it on your clothes by accident!

  12. FinnNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a Charmin Ultra girl. I’ll buy generic on everything else, but not this.

  13. I’m a generic purchasing freak but there are things in this world that were never meant to be made generic – toilet paper, tampons and mayonnaise.

    Gimme my Angel Soft or Quilted Northern.

  14. MariaNo Gravatar says:

    Charmin Ultra Mega Roll awwlll day.

  15. The Kirkland brand at Costco is actually manufactured by Kimberly-Clark, so it’s almost as soft as Cottonelle.

  16. StephanieNo Gravatar says:

    Unfortunately, because we live in the country with a crappy (hehe) septic system, it’s all Angel Soft, all the time.

  17. KrisNo Gravatar says:

    You might as well be using school toilet paper (a la sandpaper squares).

    I use the store brand double rolls at Tops. (Soft ‘n Gentle or some crap like that). There are better brands out there, but when your plumbing is having issues already, the last thing you need to do is have a kid stuff half a roll down there after taking a dump. (Yeah, she thinks her ass is just as big as mine apparently.)

  18. I am a toilet paper and paper towel snob. Cottonelle is my brand of choice for tp. If Steve bought some off-brand, I’d have no qualms making him take it back and get the right kind.

    No skimping on the butt wipe!

  19. DeniseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m a big time TP snob. I hate Scott, Charmin and pretty much every other brand. The last time we went to Sam’s Club I bought a case of Member’s Mark TP. LOVE IT! You can actually use a few squares and not get grossed out. It doesn’t leave any sort of fuzzy bits either. (It’s also easy on septic systems.)

  20. JohnNo Gravatar says:

    Hello all…
    I came upon this thread, and thought I’d add my 2 cents.

    While I understand the difference in “cushy” TP as opposed to the thinner stuff, such as Scott’s offering, I really think that Scott’s paper is, as they label on the side of the package, really designed to be used in homes with septic systems.

    The key factor here is how quickly Scott’s paper dissolves once it hits the water. Some of the cushy/thicker paper may take much longer to do this, and thus increase the chances of paper going out into the drain field, before being dissolved int he septic tank, thus increasing the chances of drain field backup and failure. (urine and waste bubbling up in your tub is not a good thing and spending thousands to have your yard dug up and a new drain field replaced is not good either.)

    I you are living in a city setting, utilizing city sewage system, then I can say that I’d probably go for a thicker paper too, can’t blame you one bit,…, BUT as I have a septic system and wish to not chance the expense, we use Scott. Sure it’s thinner.. but just use a little more to compensate. You may ask “well, if you use may as well use the thicker paper!” .. not so, as again the key is how fast the paper dissolves.

    I think a great test of this would be to take two brands, (Scott and “thick whatever”), put equal amounts, by weight, into two separate containers of water, let them set for a minute or two.. and see which disintegrates the fastest.

    It’s a great country.. we have the right to choose the TP that makes us happy, and also the ability to choose wisely, depending on our own personal set of circumstances and septic systems. :)

    I wish you all well.. and thanks for reading my post. Sorry, if I went on too long with it all.


  21. RyanNo Gravatar says:

    I can’t speak to septic tanks, but when it comes to wiping the backside, we have switched to flushable moist wipes in our house.

    I don’t care how soft and thick your traditional paper is, if it’s dry, it’s not doing a proper job. Would you ever clean a baby’s butt with dry toilet paper? Of course not–we use wet wipes because they are the right tool for the job.

    Until wash-and-dry, Japanese-style toilets are (if ever) the norm in the USA, the best tool for the job for older kids and grown-ups, too. My pre-tween kids do the job with one flushable wipe instead of the classic fistfuls of dry TP.

    I leave my bathroom feeling like I just took a shower instead of feeling like I need one.

    Anyway, nobody on this thread mentioned flushable wet wipes. They are all I’d ever buy for our behinds, and I hate it when I have to go back to the dry stuff away from home…

  22. plumberNo Gravatar says:

    Keep using two ply and flushable wipes in your toilets piping systems. It keeps us plumbers in business!

  23. sweetartcatNo Gravatar says:

    Wow, your husbands would LOVE me. I demand my husband buy Scott, and only Scott. It’s the best for the money. Eh…. you can use more than 3 squares…

    You people would have died at the turn of the century when your ancestors used pages from Sears catalogs! Whinny princesses with precious, precious butts! lol

  24. eleanorNo Gravatar says:

    I’ve used Scott TP for most of my 84 years, but I’m about to switch. What good is a roll of 1000 sheets if you have to unroll three feet of tissue each time you use it? Scott used to be the best, but now it’s so thin that in two days, you’ve unrolled almost the entire 1,000 sheets. No bargain! I’ve read the other blogs, and will try one of the TPs recommended in them — just as soon as I use up what’s left of the 24 rolls of Scott’s that I bought last time. And it IS the last time. Bargain prices for big packages don’t make up for poor quality, and that’s what you get from Scott Tissue now.

  25. roseNo Gravatar says:

    I’m done with Scott, too!! It sticks to me instead of dropping into the toilette making a mess! At first, I thought I was “losing it” but realize it really IS just poor quality paper. I’m DONE with Scott tissue paper!

  26. SheilaNo Gravatar says:

    Now that you’ll be living in an RV, you’re totally going to have to switch to Scott or Angel Soft.

    Maybe you should rethink this adventure…

  27. EmmaNo Gravatar says:

    I have plumbing that is less than 20 years old and twice it has gotten clogged from big globs of toilet paper. I was told never, never to use Scott cause it did not dissolve very good and would clog up the septic tank. I had been using Quilted Northern for years and on two occasions, we have had to open the septic tank and remove hugh clumps of undissolved toilet paper. Today, I did some research which suggested using recycled toilet paper, one brand being Marcal Small Steps. This is 100% recycled and rated very high on the biodegradeable scale set by the EPA. I was surprised when I used it. It was just as soft as the Quilted Northern I had been using. I hope this helps our problem. At least I am trying and also helping keep America green by using a recycled product.

  28. I really like your wp web template, where did you down load it through?

  29. PatNo Gravatar says:

    Scott Toilet Tissue used to be the best. I’ve used it for many years. It is now the worst. I spend more time cleaning up after using it then its worth.
    What are you doing Scott? That’s how people go out of business. CVS brand out does Scott & cheaper too.

  30. PatNo Gravatar says:

    Scott Toilet Tissue SUCKS

  31. tedNo Gravatar says:

    Correction I have used gas station bathrooms with better paper! That being said I would’nt take this stuff for free. Buy store brands

  32. ChitaNo Gravatar says:

    Scott is the absolute WORST toilet paper on the market. You might as well use wax paper. They’re about the same.


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