Friday Flop: Bliss Fabulous Rubberizing Mask

I love taking some time for myself, doing things that make me feel pretty and pampered. What I do not love making too much effort in the process, which is why Bliss Spa’s Fabulous Skin-Reviving Rubberizing Mask is a flop for me.

While I usually will not spend $38 on a face mask that will only last me six weeks (it comes in a package of six individual masks to be used once a week), I had a gift card. So I splurged and got the mask, reportedly one of Bliss’ in-spa favorites. I liked the idea of a peel-off mask because it’s much simpler than rinsing one off.

In theory.

The mask comes in powder form, along with six tongue depressors and a scoop. You put the powder in a bowl, fill the scoop with water and mix the ensuing gunk with the tongue depressor. Are you tired yet? Because I am and I still haven’t gotten this on my face. Once the mask is mixed, trowel it on , preferably with the tongue depressors because it’s messy. As you are doing this you must be careful to layer it on thickly or you will not be able to get it off easily.

Once you’ve gotten it all on your face, don’t rinse the bowl. Leave it to dry. The directions explicitly say not to wash the mask down the drain, but to throw it away. I guess you don’t want it to rubberize in your pipes. Pitch the tongue depressor.

After you’ve done all this, you can finally relax. For about 15 minutes. Then you have peel the thing off because if you wait too long it will overdry and then you have to wet it and that defeats the whole purpose. If you’ve gotten it on thickly enough (which you probably haven’t, no matter how many times you’ve done this before), you just peel the whole thing off. Except for those places where you put it on too thinly. Like all the edges. So you have to wet your face so you can scrape those off. When it’s off, you throw the mask away, peel the remains from the bowl and put them in the trash too. Then you’ll have to wash it anyway because stuff will stick.

Really? So not worth it.

Your skin will feel good. At least mine did. But the amount of effort totally negates any benefit. There are other, cheaper masks that require less effort and make my skin feel good. Thanks anyway, Bliss. I’ll save it for the spa.

Featured photo credit

Friday Flops: I hate my mascara

I have a confession.

I hate Maybeline’s Great Lash mascara.

I know, I know.  It’s supposed to be the holy grail of mascaras.  Every makeup artist I’ve ever been to has had the familiar pink and green tube in their makeup bag.  My mother has used it for as long as I can remember and she loves it.

Hell, I use it.

And I hate it.

Specifically, I use the waterproof version because I have this incredibly sexy habit of sweating.  Constantly.  From my face.  I’m also the world’s biggest cry baby.  Waterproof mascara is a must for me.

And Maybeline’s Great Lash waterproof mascara does stand up fine against water…

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Friday Flops: Ripped Jeans are Back?

Her name was Lisa, and she was my nemesis.

We were in 6th grade and she was everything I wasn’t.  She was tall and tan and her blonde hair waved perfectly around her face, devoid of the kinks and frizz that my yet to be tamed curly hair possessed.

And she wore holey jeans.

My mother refused to buy me holey jeans.  My stepfather insisted that it was a waste of money to buy jeans that were already falling apart.  Lisa’s parents were obviously much cooler than my parents, as evidenced by the torn up jeans she strutted around school in.  She looked like she belonged backstage at a New Kids On The Block concert.

I longed for a perfectly ripped pair of holey jeans.

Now, it seems, I have another chance to wear holes in my pants.

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Friday Flop: ULTA “Customer Service”

I came dangerously close to staging a riot at the local ULTA last week.

The only thing stopping me was the fact that I live 45 minutes away from a Sephora, and I couldn’t risk getting myself banned from the next best thing.  My principles, apparently, only run as deep as my need for overpriced cosmetics.

But boy I was pissed.

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Friday Flop: The Toilet Paper Edition

In most cases, I refuse to pay for marketing and branding.

My children haven’t seen a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese since the last time they were at their grandmother’s house.  At lunch, my son requests “spaghetti rings and meatballs in tomato sauce” because he’s never seen a can of Chef Boyardee Spaghetti O’s in our cupboards.

More often than not, I buy generic.

But when it comes to toilet paper, I am a brand snob.

Actually, it’s not the brand I’m concerned with as much as I am the quality.  We have pampered behinds in my household and I insist that those behinds be wiped with soft, quilted, multi-ply toilet paper.  I will give up a lot in the name of a bargain, but a comfortable butt is not one of them.

Last week, my husband – who actually taught me everything I know about good toilet paper – lost his damn mind.  And our butts are paying the price.

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Friday Flop: The Cuchini. Down with camel toe!

I put a call out on twitter for suggestions for Friday Flops and Suebob blew my mind with a link to a review of a product called The Cuchini.

Now, I don’t usually re-review something that’s already been talked about, and I try to avoid blasting products that I haven’t used myself whenever possible.  But I’m making an exception to both of those guidelines for The Cuchini.

Because it is just that bad.

From the Cuchini website:

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Friday Flops: The DivaCup

My mother first told me about the DivaCup a few years ago.  Actually, she went further than that – she actually bought me my very own DivaCup.

My mother is a generous hippie granola nut.

For those of you who have never heard of the DivaCup before, despite the Internet’s recent fascination with it, allow me to explain.  The DivaCup was designed as an environmental (and economical) alternative to tampons and pads.

Oh, yes, it’s going to be that kind of post.

Basically, the DivaCup is a silicone cup that a woman puts in her vagina to catch the blood from her menstrual period.  Instead of having to change a tampon or pad, you take the cup out, empty it, and put it back in.  Yes, I know, it sounds disgusting.  Although honestly, does it sound anymore disgusting than “it’s a cotton ball on a stick that you shove in your vagina to absorb the blood from a menstrual period”?

We ooze blood from our crotches every month.  Pretty much any product that addresses that need is going to have an ick factor associated with it.  That is not enough to dissuade me from investigating a product because what is worse than a blood catcher is not using anything.  Clearly.

There are actually a lot of good reasons to use a DivaCup.

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Friday Flops: dr. brandt pores no more

All my life I had beautiful, perfect skin.

And then I moved to Florida.

Ever since my arrival in the Humidity Capital of The World, my skin has been waging a war against me.  The most noticeable difference has been the appearance of big, gaping holes in my face.  Apparently these are called pores.

And my pores?  You could lose a set of car keys in my pores.

Even with a full face of makeup on my face bears a striking resemblance to a golf ball – what with the millions of little divets and all.

The pores and I are not friends.

So, it was with great optimism and hope that I plunked down $45 for
dr. brandt pores no more.

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Friday Flops: MBT Shoes and Sandals

The world has lost its damn mind.

That’s the only plausible explanation I can come up with for how in the hell MBT shoes not only exist, but are purchased and worn by adults.

What are MBT shoes?

Apparently, they are very technical shoes that work out your legs and core muscles and improve your posture when you wear them.

But Britt, that sounds awesome!  I can have great legs without ever having to exercise just by putting on a pair of shoes?  What’s not to love?

People, please.  Will you look at these things?

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Friday Flops: Lip Plumper. Ouch

The idea of a lip plumper is intriguing to me.

According to commercials and reviews, a cosmetic lip plumper is a product you apply like lip gloss and it makes your lips appear fuller.

Like collagen, but without the needles or doctor appointments.

Now, I am blessed to have fairly full lips.  My face might be round and I might be severely lacking in the cheekbone department – but I’ve got good lips.  The only thing my lips need is regular moisturizing and a little bit more color.  Lucky me.

Of course, that didn’t stopping me from playing with a few lip plumpers the last time I was in Sephora.

I poked around and located the most expensive product – because that’s usually an indication of a product that should work.  At least, that’s what cosmetic companies tell us.  That’s how I discovered Lip Injection Extreme by Too Faced.

The name should have been a warning.

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