Win A Free Copy Of “Change Your Mind And Your Life Will Follow”

Christmas 2010 was a Christmas I’m not likely to forget anytime soon.  It was definitely one for the record books.  It was that Christmas that I kept a promise to my daughters and bought them the laptops they were promised the year before.  Being able to do that brought great joy to me.  And to them, clearly.

But what made my Christmas 2010 so memorable is that the day after, my boyfriend decided he was ‘just done’ and ended our 4 year relationship.  With a  simple seven- word text message.  Classy.

But this isn’t about him.

This is about me.  And my reaction to the break-up.

Actually it’s about a book that has been a tremendous help.  Not just dealing with my break-up, but with life in general.

Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow

I have spent way more time than I care to admit wishing that my ex could have been, or even could still be, the man I wanted him to be.  I wanted him to change, to be the man I thought he was.  I could be so much happier if he would just see things MY way, change his mind and come back.

Except that ain’t gonna happen.

Nearly 30 years ago, Karen Casey went into a meeting with the same expectations.  She went to this meeting hoping to find out exactly what needed to be done to get the people in her life to change so that she could be happy.

What she found out, and what I am learning, is that really, the only person we can change?  Is ourselves.

And Ohhhh doesn’t that just cramp our style, because nothing is wrong with us, clearly.  They are the problem.  If they would just do this, or stay away from that, our lives would be so much easier and happier.

Karen Casey came away from that first meeting with knowledge and a change so profound she has spent years teaching others about it.

This book is organized around 12 very simple steps making small changes every single day.  Small steps such as

• Tend your own garden
• Stop focusing on problems so their solutions can emerge
• Let go of outcomes
• Change your mind
• Choose to act rather than react
• Give up your judgments
• Remember that you are not in control
• Discover your own lessons
• Do No Harm
• Quiet your mind
• Every encounter is a Holy encounter – respond accordingly  (this book is based loosely around the 12 step program, there is no religious affiliate, here, she uses Holy as in your own higher power)
• There are two voices in your mind – one is always wrong

“This book gives us the tools we need to find within ourselves the positive, peaceful response to every curve life throws at us.”

Reading this book hasn’t healed my broken heart.  Sadly, only time is going to do that.  But, reading this book has helped me make some small yet meaningful changes in my life, in my way of thinking and acting and reacting to situations, that lead me to believe it won’t take much time and I’ll be fine.

I was so moved by this book when I originally read it years ago, going through my divorce, that I immediately sought it out on my bookshelf to read again.  Not being able to find it at the time, I bought a new copy, only to come home and find my original book on a different bookshelf than were I had been looking.  So, I will give away my brand new never been read copy of Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow. Leave me a comment, and Friday I will come up with some fun creative way to pick a random comment as the winner.

If you don’t win the give away, you can buy your own copy here.

***ETA:  Sorry I’m a little late picking a winner.  But as they say? Better late than never.  Because my creativity up and disappeared, I went to Random.org and had them pick a random winner for me.

Chibi Jeebs! You will be receiving your free copy of “Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow”.  Congratulations!!!!

Hector And The Search For Happiness

In Francois Lelord’s novel Hector and the Search for Happiness, Hector is a young psychiatrist who grows weary of trying to treat people who aren’t happy. He can’t quite figure out why they’re unhappy, but isn’t quite sure what would make them happy either since many of them don’t seem to have that much to be unhappy about.

As he tries to answer this question of happiness, Hector journeys from Paris to China to Africa and then to the land of More. That’s where I live. Along the way, Hector makes a list of things that make people happy. He finds that happiness comes in many forms. From the joy of youth, to the thrill of new love; and the contentedness that comes with being at peace with oneself, Hector’s list is as varied as the life experience itself.

He finds that what makes a person happy in Paris may be far different from what makes a person happy in Africa. How people react to being happy varies, too. What makes two people in Paris happy can be two completely different things. What makes each individual happy can be different at different times of their lives, too. For example, just thinking about Paris can make me happy. I had a great time in Paris in 1987. But thinking about Paris can also make me sad. I had a great time in Paris in 1987 and I haven’t been back since.

Written in a style that’s been compared to The Little Prince and Lemony Snickett, the novel employs simple language that gives it a child-like feel. Don’t be fooled. The messages, while universal, are also complex. I devoured the book in a day, partly because of its brevity, but also because I wanted to see Hector’s complete list without flipping to the back of the book and cheating.

The idea of happiness has been a topic of my inner dialog for a few weeks. Inner dialog? Who am I? Happiness is one of those things that occupies my thoughts when I’m driving or rinsing the shampoo out of my hair or vacuuming. Okay, that’s a little lie. When I’m vacuuming, I think about Clive Owen. Anyway, after a few years of upheaval – economic, marital, personal and professional – I have to wonder – Am incapable of happiness?Perhaps I’m not wired to be content.

The thing is – happiness is a shape shifter. There are still moments of great joy upon discovering something new, finding a five dollar bill in the pocket of a jean jacket or learning some great news about a friend. But more often happiness shows up in the form of feeling content, whether I recognize it or not. The way it feels when my family laughs together. Looking up a word in the Thesaurus and finding just the right one. The way my heartbeat slows and my body warms under the covers as I fall asleep with my fingers entwined with my husband’s. I’m not fighting thoughts. I’m not wishing for anything. I’m not wishing away anything. Content.

For a drama junkie, this is new ground. I don’t want to mess with it too much because I fear that over-analyzing it will spoil the effects. The adrenaline highs of stress and drama are followed by lows that leave me hollow and craving. Contentedness is that smooth middle place. This could take some getting used to, but I’m willing to give it a try.

But I’m supposed to be telling you about the book. Read it. I’d love to give you Hector’s list, but that would be giving something away that isn’t mine to give. I can tell you this – while the story has its twists and turns, I found myself feeling mostly happy as I read it.

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A Book For Wounded Souls

My friend Deanna sent me an instant message last week to see how I was doing.  I assured her that I was, still, doing fantastically awful.

And then she did the most annoying thing that people always do when they know you are feeling awful.

She recommended a book to me.

I don’t know why I didn’t punch Deanna.  Maybe because she was instant messaging me from Canada, and I have yet to figure out the emoticon for “punch in face through computer”.  Maybe because I really kind of love her.  Or maybe because, for some odd reason, my mental response was actually something along the lines of “I think you need this right now.”

Don’t ask me why.

I don’t know why I didn’t roll my eyes or immediately forget the name of that book.

What I do know is that I had $200 in my checking account, 24 hours until pay day, and a weekend conference I was leaving for that was going to require me to feed myself using a good chunk of that $200.

I stopped at Barnes & Noble on my way to the hotel and bought that damn book anyway.

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