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Ah, the beginning of summer (Or spring, as it’s known in places other than Florida.)  It’s the time of year when we’re pulling out shorts and summer dresses – and realizing that our arms and legs resemble the color of peeled chicken.

When I was younger, I would have prepared for this time of year months in advanced with an unlimited tanning package at my local tanning salon.  I would carefully develop a base tan and watch as the little playboy bunny shaped white spot on my stomach became more and more noticeable as my tan got darker.

And then I grew up and discovered that I was spending a whole lot of time and money that could go towards bills and my family and possibly giving myself skin cancer in the process.  Skin cancer is not fashionable.

Neither, however, is my wintery white chicken skin complexion.

Thus began my search for the perfect sunless tanner.

A good self tanner needs to work quickly – because I usually decide I want a tan about 12 hours before I’m going to a beach; should not turn my skin orange – because Oompa Loompa’s are not sexy; and should not streak – because, well, duh.

In my quest for the perfect sunless tanner, I’ve tried everything from the high dollar car wash approach of the Mystic Spray Tan to the cheap do-it-yourself drugstore brands.  Here’s what I’ve found…

Sunless Self Tanners That Work (Or Don’t)

Coppertone Continuous Spray Sunless Tan Moisture Mist

I love a good bargain, which is why I always try the drugstore version of pretty much anything.

I was excited about the Coppertone because it comes in a spray – which you would assume means that you can hit every part of your body with little to no help from your husband.  In reality, it was very easy to use and I was able to get the back of my legs and my back with no problems.

Unfortunately, the tan itself was streaky.  I tried the Coppertone Sunless Tanner several times and consistently ended up with streaks and white spots.  It didn’t matter how much I exfoliated and moisturized, whether I rubbed it in or not.  The only way I could get anything resembling an even tan was with several days of repeat application – which basically filled in the spots.  The problem with that is that in the interim, I was walking around looking like I’d used bronzing powder to contour my calves.

Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer

Another self tanner that you can find at any Walgreens, CVS or Wal-Mart is Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer.  I am in love with Jergens facial tanner, so it stands to reason that I would adore their self tanner for my body.

My results have actually always been pretty good with this sunless tanner.  You put it on like you would regular lotion and over time, you’ll develop a subtle tan.  It’s a lotion first and a self tanner second – meaning it’s more lotion than tanner.  What that means is that you have virtually no chance of getting odd streaks or orange dots.

The biggest downfall of the Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer is that it is a very gradual process.  You have to use it daily for about a week to see any results – and you need to use one of the darker shades to see anything at all.  Once you get your fake tan, you need to use the lotion every day in order to keep it for any length of time.  Skip a few days and your tan is gone.

I’ve found this is great as a maintenance product, but doesn’t give me the instant tan I crave when I want to go from ghostly white to bronze beauty for an upcoming event or trip to the neighborhood pool.

Fusion Beauty GlowFusion Micro-Nutrient Face and Body Natural Protein Tan

The beautiful Megan showed up at my house in April positively glowing.  I oohed and ahhed over her skin and demanded to know how she had accomplished such a gorgeous tan so early in the year.

Being an amazing girlfriend, Megan admitted to me that she had used a self tanner a few nights before.  She told me all about GlowFusion and the elaborate exfoliate, squirt, squirt, rub, rub routine she used to achieve her sunless tan.  There was no arguing with her results.  She looked fabulous and I would have sworn her tan was natural.

The GlowFusion Protein Tan is available at Sephora, or online at SpaLook.com.  But brace yourself for sticker shock – it’s $58 for one bottle of this self tanner.  Even I, as a shallow, shallow whore clinging to my vanity, was hesitant to shell out $60 for another spray tanner.

Fake Bake Self Tanner Lotion

After seeing Megan’s results with a sunless tanner, I became a little obsessed.  I started to think the only way to get high quality results was to spend more than $8 at Walgreens.  I also, maybe, started talking about self tanners and sunless tans more than a normal person should.  Fortunately, that’s how my stepmother found out about my quest.

She told me about Fake Bake Self Tanner.  It seems she, along with a bunch of girls she works with, have been trying out the cleverly named Fake Bake.  Apparently, it gives you a great color and is pretty much impossible to screw up because it’s tinted – so you can see where you’ve covered and where you’ve missed and where you’re striping yourself silly.  The biggest problem she noted was that it discolored her sheets at night after she’d applied it.

I have white sheets – so that’s kind of a big deal.  But, I thought, not something that couldn’t be worked around by applying the Fake Bake lotion in the morning and prancing around my house naked for a few hours.  I am totally willing to walk around naked for a good sunless tan.

I searched all over online for information on where to buy this stuff locally.  It seems you can find it in local tanning salons – although I couldn’t find a list of which tanning salons, exactly.  As I was searching and reading reviews, I found many people who raved about the results and a few complaints that the lotion was green.  Green?  WTF?!?!  It seems that Fake Bake lotion has a shelf life of about one month and after that it turns green and should be tossed out (or returned, if that’s how you received it).

You can buy Fake Bake Self Tanner Lotion online here for $29.

Clarins Delicious Self Tanner Cream

Now, I share with you my detailed journey through the maze of self tanners so that you can fully appreciate your options AND what I am about to tell you:

Clarins Delicious Self Tanner Cream is the holy grail of sunless tanners.

After doing a ridiculous amount of reading and researching and questioning of tan people in the street, I had fine tuned my wish list for a self tanner and realized that at the top of that list was a sunless tanning formula that was tinted for fool proof application.  I also wanted something that would dry fairly quickly (to avoid staining my sheets), but not too quickly so that I’d have time to make sure it was applied evenly.

Clarins basically invented sunless tanners, so it’s no surprise that they are the best.  The lotion is brown and smells kind of like cocoa.  I was surprised that it didn’t stink – not when I was putting it on and not hours later when I was trying to snuggle up to my husband.  It was ridiculously easy to apply and smooth out any uneven spots, although I did have to ask my husband to help me with my back.

After about 5 minutes of naked prancing, I put clothes on and have yet to find a stain – either on my clothes or on my all white sheets.

The color is pretty good.  I don’t feel overly orange, but I definitely see a difference.  Even my husband noticed I was tanner the next day and he confirmed that the color was tan and not orange.  And like he would lie to me to avoid a fight or something!

The only downside of the Clarins Delicious Self Tanning Cream is the cost.  It’s $40 for a 3.9 oz. tub.  I will admit that price made my butt cheeks pucker a bit at first.  However, I’ve found that a little goes a long way and this tub will easily last me an entire spring and summer.  It’s much more economical than a monthly tanning package at a tanning salon – and doesn’t come with a side order of cancer.  And, ultimately, $40 for something that works is better than $8 for something that doesn’t.

Now, even with the greatest self tanners in the world, there are a few things you can (and should) do to get the best results.

Miss Britt’s Tips For Applying Self Tanners:

Exfoliate beforehand. You want a smooth surface.  So shower, scrub, and use some kind of exfoliant.  Pay special attention to your feet, knees and elbows.  I also recommend shaving your legs to get the smoothest start possible.

Moisturize beforehand. The sunless tanner will sink into dry skin more.  So if you have dry patches – or dry feet, elbows and knees – you’re more likely to end up with really dark spots.  Lather up with a good lotion and give it a few minutes to sink and dry before you apply the self tanner.

Use gloves to apply the sunless tanner. You can get a box of latex gloves at the grocery store for a few dollars and it will guarantee that you won’t end up with orange palms.  This will give you a little longer to make sure you do a good job of applying everything also because you don’t need to race to finish before the stuff on your hands dry.

Let it dry before you get dressed. This should be a no brainer – but don’t put on your best white dress as soon as you’ve finished lathering yourself up with sunless tanner.  Allow 5-10 minutes (for the Clarins, at least) for everything to dry before you put clothes on or lay down on your bed linens.

Use toothpaste to fix any mistakes. If you do notice that you got a glob on your big toe, you can buff it out with white toothpaste.  I don’t know why it works – but my toes (and that spot on my ankle bone) look much better after a good rub with Crest.

Posted in Be Beautiful - hair, makeup, skincare products Tagged: Clarins, Coppertone, Fake Bake, Jergens, self tanning, spray tan, spring, summer, sunless tanner